Oil Change

Published in Transcend Lit

Got my genderfluid changed today.

It was leaking out of my trouser leg, 
leaving a smear of cat 
hair, stardust, and chip
grease behind me.

The neighbours were starting to complain.

The chick at The Desk (between clucks):
Uh huh uh huh
our specials for today 
are newts eyes 
and the ability 
to deliver puns 
with a straight face 
uh huh.

A very large beard barges past me 
and demands to be served fear 
and mountain water in a lager can.

Straightforward, I can respect that.

Again, face to wood with The Desk.
I pay for the newts eyes 
before sitting down in the recliner 
and drumming my fingers on the mixing barrel.


The operator coming back from her break, 
putting down her "Adult Human
Female" bag and spitting. I'm handed
a ticket on letter-headed paper 
with a long hexadecimal number
at the bottom.

Wait your turn like everyone else.
Wait your turn like everyone else.
Wait your turn, like everyone else.

After a few years in the chair, 
my number is up.

The newts eyes 
(clearly rancid by this point, 
but I don't want to fuss) 
placed in the mixing barrel.

Standard item list.
Water? Check.
Guar gum? Check.
Fresh out of that, love,
I'll throw in a couple more eyes instead.
E-numbers for that fresh glow?
No thanks, 
they give me dysphoria.

Hit the button
Needle the size of Belgium
Flick, flick, flick
Mustn't forget to drain

  the old stuff

Twist of kneecap
Cat hair, stardust,
chip grease, guar gum
Pshhhhhhhhhhclunk screams

Maybe I'll just switch to wearing skirts.